How about a Mastodon client that calls you and reads you your timeline?

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@kai this, except it's my mom reading it to me without understanding what most of the words mean

@grumpy @kai I was going to say narrated by Morgan Freeman, but yours is better.

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Welcome to Grumpy's Bar! Twas once a proud bar for losers on Ravine Street, Cincinnati, now it is an online space for sharing triumphs, misdeeds, and musings over a digital Grumpy's Ale.